i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
