Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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