So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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