if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
