im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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