Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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