You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
