in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
