i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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