Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
