Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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