i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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