how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
