Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
