you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
