she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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