i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i drank out of a bidet.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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