I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
