What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
