Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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