What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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