i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
