Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
