If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
