why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
