I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
