Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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