"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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