how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
