some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
