Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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