I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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