Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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