that's an acceptable place to lick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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