Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's blow job season.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
