I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
