I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
