tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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