My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
