sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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