when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
