the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
