I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
