i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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