and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
