The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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