Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
