you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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