There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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