whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
